Collection : Argument with myself

What I did and didn’t (or you can’t forget)

I quit my job

I left my discount on hold

I left my account unattended

I didn’t call back

I went through the mountain on my own

I torn the curtains

I destroyed the television

I killed the mouse

I bumped into my past

I bumped into my last

in the street in the tube in the pub

I drank all the Ayran

I vomited the sour beers

I vomited the apple tart

from McDonalds

I broke up

I demolished my ambitions

I only do private tuition

I wore my Crocs

I worn out my Crocs

I cut my lips in two

This is what I’m capable of

I blew up my own parliament 

I didn’t get caught

No one set me on fire

I said I wouldn’t see him again

until one of us die

You’ll miss my funerals

I’ll miss your first baby

and the second

Perhaps a glimpse of the third

under the red lights

one night of April

I fissured the mirror

I printed an issue of myself

Several issues

The first one is called The Crisis –

An Hymn to the Autistic Child

I walked under the bridge

on top of the rats and the rusty metal

I nearly slashed my feet

this is what you do when you’re sixteen

I slammed the doors very –

not that very 

hard

I choked on the mackerel’s bone

I’m doing a side job

I’m doing an easy job

I’m not doing a real job

I’m doing a leftover job

I’m doing a scrap job

I’m doing a crap job

I’m doing a crumbly job

I’m doing a job you don’t tell anyone

I received a text from my therapist saying 

I’m magic

I’m not forgiving 

especially myself

I am a failure

I don’t count

I am on silence

I ran out of battery

I’m unreachable

I’m taking the bus

I’m forgetting who 

I’m forgetting what 

I’m forgetting how

You might as well be in Australia

From what I know you’re not here

with me 

You might as well be fighting a spider

or a kangaroo

You might as well write me a letter

You might as well cry me a river

You might as well come back

and it’s too late

I grew out of my misery

You might as well be a cop on duty

You might as well be in Kosovo

You might as well send me floppy disks

You might as well come back

and I’m a damaged little soul

You might as well left me unanswered

You might as well called me a maniac 

You might as well called me a nymph

You might as well think I’m unworthy

You might as well come back

and this is the least I care about

Oï oï said –

never mind

The beer make your mind sharper

The cold make you body shiver

I’ve been sneezed on

I’ve been cried to

I’ve been cuddled by

I’ve been looked down

I’ve been talked through

I’ve been everywhere

and everything

I can’t be angry

I’m infuriated instead

I hear the bells

saying

You can’t bang your head

You can’t punch the pillow

You can’t scream 

You can’t say you hate yourself

You can’t throw the scissors on the floor

You can’t be mad

You can’t be sad

otherwise you gonna end up in the

so-called

so close 

mental hospital

If you try to forget

forget your thoughts no –

that’s the only thing you can do

You can’t forget

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