Collection : Argument with myself
What I did and didn’t (or you can’t forget)
I quit my job
I left my discount on hold
I left my account unattended
I didn’t call back
I went through the mountain on my own
I torn the curtains
I destroyed the television
I killed the mouse
I bumped into my past
I bumped into my last
in the street in the tube in the pub
I drank all the Ayran
I vomited the sour beers
I vomited the apple tart
from McDonalds
I broke up
I demolished my ambitions
I only do private tuition
I wore my Crocs
I worn out my Crocs
I cut my lips in two
This is what I’m capable of
I blew up my own parliament
I didn’t get caught
No one set me on fire
I said I wouldn’t see him again
until one of us die
You’ll miss my funerals
I’ll miss your first baby
and the second
Perhaps a glimpse of the third
under the red lights
one night of April
I fissured the mirror
I printed an issue of myself
Several issues
The first one is called The Crisis –
An Hymn to the Autistic Child
I walked under the bridge
on top of the rats and the rusty metal
I nearly slashed my feet
this is what you do when you’re sixteen
I slammed the doors very –
not that very
hard
I choked on the mackerel’s bone
I’m doing a side job
I’m doing an easy job
I’m not doing a real job
I’m doing a leftover job
I’m doing a scrap job
I’m doing a crap job
I’m doing a crumbly job
I’m doing a job you don’t tell anyone
I received a text from my therapist saying
I’m magic
I’m not forgiving
especially myself
I am a failure
I don’t count
I am on silence
I ran out of battery
I’m unreachable
I’m taking the bus
I’m forgetting who
I’m forgetting what
I’m forgetting how
You might as well be in Australia
From what I know you’re not here
with me
You might as well be fighting a spider
or a kangaroo
You might as well write me a letter
You might as well cry me a river
You might as well come back
and it’s too late
I grew out of my misery
You might as well be a cop on duty
You might as well be in Kosovo
You might as well send me floppy disks
You might as well come back
and I’m a damaged little soul
You might as well left me unanswered
You might as well called me a maniac
You might as well called me a nymph
You might as well think I’m unworthy
You might as well come back
and this is the least I care about
Oï oï said –
never mind
The beer make your mind sharper
The cold make you body shiver
I’ve been sneezed on
I’ve been cried to
I’ve been cuddled by
I’ve been looked down
I’ve been talked through
I’ve been everywhere
and everything
I can’t be angry
I’m infuriated instead
I hear the bells
saying
You can’t bang your head
You can’t punch the pillow
You can’t scream
You can’t say you hate yourself
You can’t throw the scissors on the floor
You can’t be mad
You can’t be sad
otherwise you gonna end up in the
so-called
so close
mental hospital
If you try to forget
forget your thoughts no –
that’s the only thing you can do
You can’t forget