ONLY A ROOM

–

I feel like I am a slug

Yes a slug

when I’m supposed to be a snail

but I lost my shell

And in every fear I meet,

I’m looking for the shelter

and the reassurance of a house

as fragile as it can be.

And in every fear I meet,

I’m looking for the welcome rug and the fireplace

and the dart game and the tea before bed

And in every fear I meet,

I’m looking for the chamber 

to be naked in my body and in my soul

I’m looking for the words I haven’t heard I haven’t felt I haven’t said

And in every fear I meet,

I want to be closer and closer

in the small space that is the carapace of their arms

I’m not a slug, I want to find my own house, that I left behind when I

was born into this world

When I left the womb

unable to carry on my back the weight of the foundations the bricks

the plaster the roof and its tiles

In every fear I meet,

I’m looking for a builder to erect a conservatory, when really

I should set up my own room only.